Circles and Circles

I am mostly writing this because I need to vent and I don’t think it’s proper to Facebook vent about this, so I will write it here and THEN link it to my Facebook! (Classy I know…)

I feel like I am going in circles and circles with certain people in my life and it’s starting to frustrate me. I feel taken advantage of on a regular basis yet I still continue to be nice and do everything for certain people! I know it’s a personal problem but how do I stop myself from being kind and open!?

I’ve done numerous things for specific individuals and get hardly any thanks in return, if any at all…. Like I said before, maybe it’s me and I just need to learn how to step back and say “Hey… I’m not going to do this anymore..”

We’ve all been there, caring for someone when they didn’t care the same way for us… doing nice things… stepping out on a limb…. WISHING AND HOPING that maybe a realization would set in that you are just wasting your time… OR maybe a positive note like THEY realize they shouldn’t take for granted what is right in front of them!!

After saying all this… it’s safe to say younger guys are frustrating and mildly selfish… (in my opinion… so don’t yell at me for assuming they are all the same) and this is why I’ve always told my mom I will end up with someone at LEAST 5 years older than me! Preferably 10! I’m real and I’m serious… I have a lot of love to give but have obviously been wasting it! I need to change that!

It’s hard to slow down and realize that you won’t be good enough for the person you were hoping to be good enough for! And I guess that is where it ends… you have to move on and keep smiling and be HAPPY and thankful for this life!

I need some coffee, and some zen, and some me time, and a little less caring about people who don’t care about me!!

(apologies for terrible grammar and a lot of “and’s”

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7 Makeup “Must-haves”!

I am a huge fan of makeup, messing around with different products and trying new styles! This post serves the purpose of letting you know what products I can’t live without! I love makeup because it’s fun, I do it for me. not anyone else! Maybe makeup isn’t your thing (I used to think that) but if you try new things you might actually realize you enjoy them! (Maybe it will even inspire you to pick them up at your local beauty store and try them yourself!)

Eyes
— Eyeliner is my best friend and truly a must have for me!

eyeliner1
1. My all-time favorite eyeliner is the Perfect Point Plus Eyeliner by Covergirl in Black Onyx 200. This is an easy glide on liner that comes with built in sharpener and smudge tool. If you purchase at Walmart or Target you will probably pay around $5-6 but if you purchase from a bulk store such as COSTCO you can get a 3 pack for $9.99 (that is a S-T-E-A-L).

eyeliner2

2. The other liner I have recently purchased to test out is Eye Studio Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner by Maybelline in Blackest Black. It is in a glass pot and comes with a small eyeliner brush applicator. I was skeptical about this product at first but after a little practice of applying with a brush, I came to the realization that I love it and I will definitely be purchasing it again! It averages about $7-8. (I just opened it but it looks like it’s going to last quite a long time!)

–Eyeshadow

Naked pallete
3. I am a loyal Urban Decay fan so the Naked Palette is definitely my favorite set of shadows! The earthy tones are perfect for me and I enjoy using this palette to test and try out new looks especially the smokey eye! The colors are perfect if you like neutral and natural colors! Though this is a spendy purchase (around $50 at Sephora) it’s worth it!

Lips
–Lipstick (Every girls needs a little bit of red lipstick!)

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4. My pride and joy of red lipsticks is Infra-Red by Maybelline. It’s the prefect color of red and adds class to any outfit! It’s a good quality and the color is long lasting so you’re not always having to reapply! This lipstick retails for about $5 at stores such as Target, Walmart, Rite Aid, etc.

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5. My favorite sheer nude lipstick is by NARS cosmetics and it’s called Belle de Jour. My favorite things about NARS lip products is that they are filled with ingredients that prove to nourish your lips and keep them conditioned and soft. This lipstick sells for $26 on their website and it’s long lasting color will make your nude lips looking and feeling fabulous!

–Lip-gloss

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6. The gloss I find absolutely irresistible and perfect for topping any lipstick to give it a shine is the Dior Addict Collagen Active Lip-Gloss. I have it in a light pink shade (001). It’s pretty expensive for a lip-gloss but I’ve had mine over and year and it’s just about halfway gone (and I use it everyday!).

Face–Blush

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7. Coralista blush box by benefit cosmetics. This is a coral shade, with the perfect amount of pigment! It goes on smooth and lightens up your face in all the right places! (Also try Georgia Peach). Available at Sephora and Ulta stores and online.

I hope you try some of these products and fall in love with them like I did! IN this century it’s easy as 1-2-3, surf the internet for any of these products and you’ll be sure to find them! Happy “make-up”ing!

Relationship Race

You Can't Hurry Love

You Can’t Hurry Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

“You can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait, she said ‘love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.'”

Relationships come and go, people change, people move on, and the world continues to rotate. But there comes that one relationship, where things just stick, happiness is found, and you just know it’s right. Etta James “At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over and my life is like a song…”

I was raised in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone, and absolutely nothing can be kept personal. A small graduating class of about 65 led to many close relationships, and many marriages soon after high school was put behind us. I’m 20 and I have friends MARRIED! WITH KIDS! What?!

It’s crazy to think about… life doesn’t slow down for anyone. You can plead, cry, or just celebrate, but life doesn’t take orders from anyone. Its motto is to just keep chugging along, picking some up on the way, and dropping others off as well. Some eager to grow up and some just wanting to be young again; some just caught in the middle trying to find purpose.

No one ever told us to race to the finish line, to be the first to get married, the first to fall in love, the first to have a child, the first to succeed. So why do I still feel like it’s all just a game? A game to see who can accomplish the most in the smallest amount of time? Maybe I am not the typical “thinker” but I just sit from the sidelines watching the race go on around me… I am a spectator, among many others I am sure, just trying to find their purpose.

I’m slowly and patiently awaiting my purpose, where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to meet, and who I am supposed to spend my life with. No race here. Maybe I have an idea of “who” that should be next to me, maybe I daydream about the future. No harm done. I’ve always been in love with the idea of being “in love,” and I will continue to be in love with that idea. I’ve set standards for myself to know when it feels right, when I should let someone into my personal life. You’ll have that feeling, a feeling that you never want to lose, and that my friends, is when you hold on tight and never let go. Until then, wait it out, time heals everything in the end, and let yourself experience beautiful things along the way! You are the master of your own fate and the captain of your soul.

What are you searching for? Waiting for?

What A Hero Means To Me

american-heroOn Sept. 15, 1984, two weeks into her senior year of high school, Kim, 17, and her family went to some friends’ house for dinner. There was a marshmallow roasting pit right in their backyard. The fire was dying, so Kim’s boyfriend told a guest to pour some more fuel on the fire to stoke it up. There was only one problem — that can had just a little fuel left in it so the fumes ignited, causing the fuel in the can to explode; the bottom of the can blew out completely, sending an enormous fireball Kim’s way. She covered her face and she thought, “Stop, Drop and Roll,” and that’s what she did, rolled on the ground. Then lots of blankets were thrown on her by her parents and the homeowners and her sisters to get all the flames out. The teen who poured the fuel was burned very, very bad. Kim’s boyfriend suffered very serious burns, too.
   The ambulance immediately took them to the Bellingham (Washington) hospital and then quickly sent them on to Harborview Medical Center burn unit in Seattle. Kim was burned over 65 percent of her body. Her boyfriend died 10 days later. Even though Kim was very bad off and fighting for her life, she knew he had died. My mom said it was a difficult funeral because Tim was so young and it was hard to accept the whole tragedy.
   A third degree burn cannot heal by itself. It has to be replaced with skin grafts. Kim is 100 percent scarred because all that skin that did not burn is where they took (or harvested) the skin from to cover the burned areas of her body. A skin graft is a special thing they do when you get burned. Doctors take skin from non-burned places and then staple it to the places where you are burned badly. With burns, a person shrinks on the outside and then swells from the inside, so you cut off your own circulation. As horrible as it sounds, doctors had to slice Kim’s arms open to take away all the pressure and let the blood flow.
   Right after she arrived at the Seattle hospital Kim’s throat swelled up and shut. She was without oxygen for several minutes and was considered “technically dead” until the emergency room staff performed an emergency tracheotomy to save her life. That is where they place a breathing tube right through the outside of your throat.
   That began a long, painful journey of skin graft surgeries and therapy. Daily debreeding and tanking sessions took place where nurses scrape and peel off all the dying tissues so she could fight off infections and allow the good skin to heal.
   “When you have burns your body wants to constrict up into a fetal position ball,” Kim said.
   To make sure that her arms and legs stayed stretched out, her legs were tied down, she had to wear a neck brace and have her arms tied down.  They also put steel pins through each of her fingers and wrists to keep them separated. Eventually, they had to amputate her left thumb and finger because they were too badly burned to heal. Later, her second toe was removed to give her a thumb.
   Kim had hours and hours of physical therapy to learn how to walk, brush her hair, feed herself and dress herself again. She spent 95 days in the hospital and just five days before Christmas the doctors let her come home.
   “I came home with one ear, nine fingers, bright red skin and I was bald,” Kim said. “Have you ever heard the saying ’looks aren’t everything?’ Well, that isn’t what society says.”
   When she would go out to dinner or go to the mall many rude people would say “what are you doing in public?” or “what happened to your face?”
   Four months later, when Kim finally went home, people would sometimes say very mean things. They would yank their kids away and say more rude things.
   “I spent hours crying over what people said. It has not been an easy road, but God has been so good to me,” Kim stated.
   Now, Kim gets to go and travel to burn conferences all over the United States and speak to doctors and kids and tell them that everything can eventually be OK. She said she has so much to be grateful and thankful for.
   “I am always trying to tell my children, Mikayla and Hunter, to look on the inside of people and they should never judge somebody by the outside,” emphasized Kim.
   That is why she is my hero. She looks to the heart, not on outside beauty.
   I am writing about Kim not only because she and my mom are best friends (they have known each other “since the womb”) but because she is a hero. Not a Superwoman or a basketball player or a movie star, but a different kind of hero.
   Even though Kim was in a situation, being burned, that could have left her bitter and angry, she has turned it into good. Now, she goes back to Harborview’s burn unit and talks to people who have been burned. She shows them that life can be good and “normal” again. She helps kids who have been burned by going to their classrooms and talking to their classmates. She tells them their friend is still the same person on the inside. Kim volunteers for the Starlight Foundation and helps make sick kid’s wishes come true. Kim speaks to doctors all across the country to try and help them understand their patients’ feelings and fears better.
   I have known Kim all my life. My mom told me I did not even notice Kim was burned until I was about 8 and then I heard them talking about it. I asked “what happened to Kim?” My mom said, “Didn’t you know Kim was burned?” I said I knew Kim’s skin was different, but I just thought “that’s the way she is!” To me Kim is nice and kind and funny and she loves me. It doesn’t matter what her skin looks like. It matters that she is a good person on the inside and God has made her just right. She is my hero.

25 “Must Read” Books for Your Summer Reading List!

Whether you are a writer, a business man or woman, a scientific genius, or a professional couch potato, this list of “must read” books is sure to make a mark on your life, and summer reading list! These are dearly loved books that have been read by millions of individuals over the years, add yourself to that number!

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
“You have bewitched me body and soul.” – Mr. Darcy

2. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Cathy

3. The Plague – Albert Camus
“But what does it mean, the plague? It’s life, that’s all.”

4. My Ántonia – Willa Cather
“That is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep.”

5. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
“The mind of a man is capable of anything!”

6. The Brothers Karamazov – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.”

7. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald (“Gasp, there is a book!?’ You ask. Why of course there is old sport, sometime before the ever so popular new release of the movie, try 1925!)
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

8. The Scarlet Letter – Nathanial Hawthorne (Unfortunately, “Easy A” only touched the surface… there’s nothing like being called a harlot!)
“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.”

9. The Autobiography of Malcolm X – Malcolm X (History at its finest.)

10. Death of a Salesman – Arthur Miller (Sure, maybe marrying Marilyn Monroe wasn’t one of his best ideas, but he wrote phenomenal plays!)
“The jungle is dark but full of diamonds, Willy.”

11. The Horror and Mystery Tales – Edgar Allan Poe (Is that a heartbeat I hear thumping underneath the floorboards?)

12. Call It Sleep – Henry Roth (The struggle for Jewish immigrants in America.)

13. Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
“If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late?”

14. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.”

15. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain (or Samuel Clemens if you will…)
“Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”

16. The Red Badge of Courage – Stephen Crane
“It was not well to drive men into final corners; at those moments they could all develop teeth and claws.”

17. Lord of the Flies – William Golding (Who has the conch?)
“The thing is- fear can’t hurt you any more than a dream.”

18. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley (Smoke a little Peyote Cactus and you’re good to go…)

19. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
“I am no bird, and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”

20. Catch-22 – Joseph Heller (Is your life full of “Catch-22’s?”)

21. Emma – Jane Austen
“I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.”

22. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.”

23. Steppenwolf – Hermann Hesse
“Solitude is independence.”

24. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
“Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of an intelligent woman.”

25. Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse (You may need to look to Buddha for this one!)
“Your soul is the whole world.”

Replace “fear of the unknown” with curiosity…

fear of the unknown

“Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.” – Seneca

Fear is a powerful human emotion that keeps some from taking chances in life that will be extremely beneficial. When we perceive something as “dangerous” our idea of fear takes the leading position in the actions and choices we make. Though this may be helpful in some instances, what our mind may perceive as dangerous doesn’t actually mean it’s physically harmful. While fear is a common survival mechanism, it’s also a demon that can bring you down when you have no trust.

Fear is a personal battle in my life because it has completely pushed me away in the past from what I desperately needed the most. I spent too long thinking about the negative results that could surface if I let a certain person into my life. Instead of looking at the positive aspects, the future, and the happiness that could surround my life, I focused all my attention on the “what ifs?” I plagued my mind with being hurt, used, and betrayed even though deep in my heart I knew this person wouldn’t treat me like that.

Fear is attached to other emotions and memories that you may have experienced in the past, which is what led me to push myself away from the positive in my life due to my fear that things could end wrong… I could be hurt… I could be lost. Trust was the huge missing piece to why I let fear take over my mind; I HAD NONE.

It was only about 4 weeks ago that I realized what I had been pushing into the dark abyss of mind in order to keep from thinking about it… love drives out fear. I was constantly grasping for things and people I could not reach because fear kept me from taking that small extra step. Once I took it, and drove fear out by letting love in I was living in a totally different world.

Fear was the prison that led my heart to believe there was no hope. Now that’s a sorry and sad thought. My heart, which has always been ready to love unconditionally was rattling the chains on the door of fear, wanting out but too blind to see the key was right there.

Life is always full of uncertainty and that cannot stop us from loving and simply existing.

Here the world spins, people live, move, breathe, love, die. Beautiful and terrible things will happen here. Do not be afraid.