Relationship Race

You Can't Hurry Love

You Can’t Hurry Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

“You can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait, she said ‘love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.'”

Relationships come and go, people change, people move on, and the world continues to rotate. But there comes that one relationship, where things just stick, happiness is found, and you just know it’s right. Etta James “At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over and my life is like a song…”

I was raised in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone, and absolutely nothing can be kept personal. A small graduating class of about 65 led to many close relationships, and many marriages soon after high school was put behind us. I’m 20 and I have friends MARRIED! WITH KIDS! What?!

It’s crazy to think about… life doesn’t slow down for anyone. You can plead, cry, or just celebrate, but life doesn’t take orders from anyone. Its motto is to just keep chugging along, picking some up on the way, and dropping others off as well. Some eager to grow up and some just wanting to be young again; some just caught in the middle trying to find purpose.

No one ever told us to race to the finish line, to be the first to get married, the first to fall in love, the first to have a child, the first to succeed. So why do I still feel like it’s all just a game? A game to see who can accomplish the most in the smallest amount of time? Maybe I am not the typical “thinker” but I just sit from the sidelines watching the race go on around me… I am a spectator, among many others I am sure, just trying to find their purpose.

I’m slowly and patiently awaiting my purpose, where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to meet, and who I am supposed to spend my life with. No race here. Maybe I have an idea of “who” that should be next to me, maybe I daydream about the future. No harm done. I’ve always been in love with the idea of being “in love,” and I will continue to be in love with that idea. I’ve set standards for myself to know when it feels right, when I should let someone into my personal life. You’ll have that feeling, a feeling that you never want to lose, and that my friends, is when you hold on tight and never let go. Until then, wait it out, time heals everything in the end, and let yourself experience beautiful things along the way! You are the master of your own fate and the captain of your soul.

What are you searching for? Waiting for?

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Steps to Becoming a Happier Person

Happiness is a choice

Often times we go through life, shifting through the motions but feeling like there is something missing: our happiness. Someone once told me, “Avery, happiness is a choice,” in which I laughed and went on with my usual business. I had always been in the mindset that my happiness was out of my control and that in order for my happiness to be at an all time high in my life, good things needed to happen. Bad things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people; bad things happen. Of course, I thought if bad things happened, there is no way happiness could survive and thrive in such a tragic place. I can openly admit that I was very wrong.

What I’ve learned in my life so far is that I can control my happiness, and make the best out of even the most terrible situations. As an individual, I am able to surround myself with people, places, and objects that are going to make me feel and act better. Happiness is a very important aspect in our lives and the relationships that we form. I now look back on the advice I was given, and I do believe happiness is a choice. It may be a hard one to make at times, but it is the most rewarding in the long run.

So, if happiness is a choice, you may be wondering what actions you should take in order to bring your happiness to an all time high.

1. Choose to be happy.
This is the most important step! You must take the initial step to being a happier person and that is making the choice to be happy. It is not true that you are stuck in a spot of happiness in which you are not able to move. It is possible to boost your emotions and feel better!

2. Learn forgiveness.
There is nothing worse than holding a grudge and continuing to water the deep seed of bitterness that you have planted in your heart. In order to achieve ultimate happiness, you must let go of any anger and bitterness you have been holding on to. This is an opportunity to break the chains and it can ultimately be a very freeing experience if you let it.

3. Neutralize negativity.
By minimizing the negative thoughts in your life you can lead a happier life. Your thoughts are what control your behavior in life, and when they are all negative, you are bound to be unhappy in everything you do. When choosing positive thoughts and actions, happiness is right around the corner.

4. Build relationships.
By building positive relationships in your life, you can achieve the happiness you’ve always wanted. Whether these are friendships, work relationships, or romantic relationships, surrounding yourself with positive people in your life will be very rewarding.

In retrospect, happiness has always been a choice and by following some guidelines you can significantly improve your life! It all depends on the motivation you hold and the power of positive thinking!

What A Hero Means To Me

american-heroOn Sept. 15, 1984, two weeks into her senior year of high school, Kim, 17, and her family went to some friends’ house for dinner. There was a marshmallow roasting pit right in their backyard. The fire was dying, so Kim’s boyfriend told a guest to pour some more fuel on the fire to stoke it up. There was only one problem — that can had just a little fuel left in it so the fumes ignited, causing the fuel in the can to explode; the bottom of the can blew out completely, sending an enormous fireball Kim’s way. She covered her face and she thought, “Stop, Drop and Roll,” and that’s what she did, rolled on the ground. Then lots of blankets were thrown on her by her parents and the homeowners and her sisters to get all the flames out. The teen who poured the fuel was burned very, very bad. Kim’s boyfriend suffered very serious burns, too.
   The ambulance immediately took them to the Bellingham (Washington) hospital and then quickly sent them on to Harborview Medical Center burn unit in Seattle. Kim was burned over 65 percent of her body. Her boyfriend died 10 days later. Even though Kim was very bad off and fighting for her life, she knew he had died. My mom said it was a difficult funeral because Tim was so young and it was hard to accept the whole tragedy.
   A third degree burn cannot heal by itself. It has to be replaced with skin grafts. Kim is 100 percent scarred because all that skin that did not burn is where they took (or harvested) the skin from to cover the burned areas of her body. A skin graft is a special thing they do when you get burned. Doctors take skin from non-burned places and then staple it to the places where you are burned badly. With burns, a person shrinks on the outside and then swells from the inside, so you cut off your own circulation. As horrible as it sounds, doctors had to slice Kim’s arms open to take away all the pressure and let the blood flow.
   Right after she arrived at the Seattle hospital Kim’s throat swelled up and shut. She was without oxygen for several minutes and was considered “technically dead” until the emergency room staff performed an emergency tracheotomy to save her life. That is where they place a breathing tube right through the outside of your throat.
   That began a long, painful journey of skin graft surgeries and therapy. Daily debreeding and tanking sessions took place where nurses scrape and peel off all the dying tissues so she could fight off infections and allow the good skin to heal.
   “When you have burns your body wants to constrict up into a fetal position ball,” Kim said.
   To make sure that her arms and legs stayed stretched out, her legs were tied down, she had to wear a neck brace and have her arms tied down.  They also put steel pins through each of her fingers and wrists to keep them separated. Eventually, they had to amputate her left thumb and finger because they were too badly burned to heal. Later, her second toe was removed to give her a thumb.
   Kim had hours and hours of physical therapy to learn how to walk, brush her hair, feed herself and dress herself again. She spent 95 days in the hospital and just five days before Christmas the doctors let her come home.
   “I came home with one ear, nine fingers, bright red skin and I was bald,” Kim said. “Have you ever heard the saying ’looks aren’t everything?’ Well, that isn’t what society says.”
   When she would go out to dinner or go to the mall many rude people would say “what are you doing in public?” or “what happened to your face?”
   Four months later, when Kim finally went home, people would sometimes say very mean things. They would yank their kids away and say more rude things.
   “I spent hours crying over what people said. It has not been an easy road, but God has been so good to me,” Kim stated.
   Now, Kim gets to go and travel to burn conferences all over the United States and speak to doctors and kids and tell them that everything can eventually be OK. She said she has so much to be grateful and thankful for.
   “I am always trying to tell my children, Mikayla and Hunter, to look on the inside of people and they should never judge somebody by the outside,” emphasized Kim.
   That is why she is my hero. She looks to the heart, not on outside beauty.
   I am writing about Kim not only because she and my mom are best friends (they have known each other “since the womb”) but because she is a hero. Not a Superwoman or a basketball player or a movie star, but a different kind of hero.
   Even though Kim was in a situation, being burned, that could have left her bitter and angry, she has turned it into good. Now, she goes back to Harborview’s burn unit and talks to people who have been burned. She shows them that life can be good and “normal” again. She helps kids who have been burned by going to their classrooms and talking to their classmates. She tells them their friend is still the same person on the inside. Kim volunteers for the Starlight Foundation and helps make sick kid’s wishes come true. Kim speaks to doctors all across the country to try and help them understand their patients’ feelings and fears better.
   I have known Kim all my life. My mom told me I did not even notice Kim was burned until I was about 8 and then I heard them talking about it. I asked “what happened to Kim?” My mom said, “Didn’t you know Kim was burned?” I said I knew Kim’s skin was different, but I just thought “that’s the way she is!” To me Kim is nice and kind and funny and she loves me. It doesn’t matter what her skin looks like. It matters that she is a good person on the inside and God has made her just right. She is my hero.

Replace “fear of the unknown” with curiosity…

fear of the unknown

“Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.” – Seneca

Fear is a powerful human emotion that keeps some from taking chances in life that will be extremely beneficial. When we perceive something as “dangerous” our idea of fear takes the leading position in the actions and choices we make. Though this may be helpful in some instances, what our mind may perceive as dangerous doesn’t actually mean it’s physically harmful. While fear is a common survival mechanism, it’s also a demon that can bring you down when you have no trust.

Fear is a personal battle in my life because it has completely pushed me away in the past from what I desperately needed the most. I spent too long thinking about the negative results that could surface if I let a certain person into my life. Instead of looking at the positive aspects, the future, and the happiness that could surround my life, I focused all my attention on the “what ifs?” I plagued my mind with being hurt, used, and betrayed even though deep in my heart I knew this person wouldn’t treat me like that.

Fear is attached to other emotions and memories that you may have experienced in the past, which is what led me to push myself away from the positive in my life due to my fear that things could end wrong… I could be hurt… I could be lost. Trust was the huge missing piece to why I let fear take over my mind; I HAD NONE.

It was only about 4 weeks ago that I realized what I had been pushing into the dark abyss of mind in order to keep from thinking about it… love drives out fear. I was constantly grasping for things and people I could not reach because fear kept me from taking that small extra step. Once I took it, and drove fear out by letting love in I was living in a totally different world.

Fear was the prison that led my heart to believe there was no hope. Now that’s a sorry and sad thought. My heart, which has always been ready to love unconditionally was rattling the chains on the door of fear, wanting out but too blind to see the key was right there.

Life is always full of uncertainty and that cannot stop us from loving and simply existing.

Here the world spins, people live, move, breathe, love, die. Beautiful and terrible things will happen here. Do not be afraid.